midnightstar | A SURPRISE LENALEE APPROACHES; Command?

Despite all of everything the Black Order has been through, it was business as usual for the various teams. Lenalee and Allen were in one team with Miranda and a few Finders. Lucky them, their mission took them to the mountains - beautiful scenery, but cold weather. Fortunately they managed to find a small inn with vacancies, so they could stay indoors. Amazingly, Miranda was actually sleeping more peacefully than Lenalee at the moment.

Although after all of the scenarios and seeing all of the deaths in the war with the Earl and fighting the akuma, (...not to mention what she personally has been through), it really should come as no surprise that Lenalee's sleep was less than restful. While she managed to snatch an hour or two here and there of sleep, worries about her friends, her brother, and one exorcist in particular all contributed to making her nightmare particularly bloody and gruesome. When she jerked awake for the second time that night (or was it third, she wasn't sure), she knew she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep right away, so she silently slipped out of her room, padding down the hall. Maybe a glass of water would settle her nerves.

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~~They can get it from Jerry. Steaks for Allen was no surprise!~~

"Really?" Lenalee grinned. Of course, she'd want to perfect her cooking before treating her brother with snacks, but with Allen as her taste tester.. it was even better. She wanted him to taste - and like - her food too. It was as important as Komui liking her food.

She let herself lean back a little against the counter, shaking her head. "It's all right." She confided in him once before, after all. And he was at the heart of her worries then too, "I don't mind...telling you."

Truthfully, he's the only one she didn't mind talking to about things like this. It was selfish of her, but he was a wonderful listener, and he didn't seem to mind either. Even though he had more than enough on his plate, he and Komui both. Adding more worries made her feel a little guilty. "I haven't been sleeping well, lately...ever since we came back from the last mission." And so much happened. His 'death', weighed the heaviest on her.

"Of course. You have my word!" Allen reiterated without hesitation yet again. In retrospect he would realize just how quick to volunteer he'd been. ANd not even for the free food. But for the one cooking it. But that was for another time as Lenalee decided to open up her heart to him a bit more.

"You haven't? Is it nightmares?" Allen asked softly, not rushing Lenalee for details but still asking for some regardless. He didn't even think that his 'death' had played a part in her inability to sleep.

Allen promising to be her first official taste tester really made her happy. She was always lightfooted, but the idea of making something for him to eat would make her even more so. Once..the shadows over her heart passed that is. "Yes." She answered, after a small pause, searching the contents of her glass of water for answers.

"It was... like the other ones. Dark.. desolate. The world in ruins. Like before. I ... I didn't want to see it anymore. So I started walking.. but no matter how far I walked, nothing changed. It was more of the same and...then I saw the bodies.

Everyone in the Black Order - Komui... Miranda, Kanda.. Lavi... Reever," her voice shook slightly as she named friends she had identified. Curiously, Allen's name was left off the list.

"Suman..." She regretted that incident. Every step of the way, she regretted it. If she had been with Allen at the time, she would have been able to escape with him when he was found by that Noah, surely. That bad feeling she'd had back then..

ALlen listened quietly to Lenalee's account, noticing for the briefest of moments that his name didn't come up. Not knowing what to make of it he decided to put that aspect aside and focus on what she had told him. Unfortunately Lenalee's nightmares were far too deeply ingrained for normal advice to even apply.

And then the name Suman popped up and his expression darkened noticeably. That whole incident. It was a scar that was still somewhat fresh and the guilt associated with it was still in his mind to some degree.

"Lenalee..."

It was the same with her - and she hadn't even been through what he had. "It isn't fair... it wasn't right for him to..." She knew it had to weigh on Allen too.

"I thought... that was the worst it had to offer..my nightmare. Seeing my friends, ..my family all... gone. But..." Her voice broke slightly as the memory came back to her.

"Then I saw the forest. I saw you." She turned to place her glass down on the counter for multiple reasons. Not wanting him to see her cry was one. Not wanting to drop the glass and wake anyone near enough to hear it breaking was another. "It was just.. like back then..." Only actually seeing the body - her imagination was more than helpful in creating the image for her.

"I should.. never have left your side.."

But if she hadn't, that little girl would have died. Maybe if she had searched longer, harder, she could have found where they fell. IF she'd been a little faster, she could have covered more ground and found them. There were so many things she thought she could have done differently...

It did weigh on him but right now he couldn't care less about that. Lenalee was being tormented by that past and the things it all lead to. His body felt a chill course through his veins when his part her nightmares was finally revealed. So he'd been there as well. He could only imagine the guilt Lenalee had felt when she'd found nothing but his blood on that forest floor. It hurt to know that what happened to him had caused her so much pain. If anyone ever told him how Lenalee had pretty much just shut down after that...

She could try to hide her tears as much as she liked. Allen wouldn't be fooled. After all he knew what others felt more than even they would sometimes. So he put his plate down and pulled up closer to Lenalee.

She raised her hand to wipe away the tears. She didn't want to worry him, but judging the way he moved closer...well it was too late for that. "I know...everyone said it was a war, that there would be casualties, but... but I don't want to lose -anyone-." Selfish Lenalee! Wanting to hold on to her family and friends with both hands, to protect everyone everywhere. "I don't ..want to lose you.. Not again." She was devastated when they told her he died. "I can't..."

He hated seeing her like this. But what hit him hardest was hearing the way her voice grew sadder and quieter. The way desperation and fear started to creep into it to the point that she couldn't even finish her last thought. He naturally felt responsible but that didn't matter. He wanted to do something. So in a show of remarkable boldness or lack of selfpreservation instinct, he pulled Lenalee into his arms. Just like that one night when his eye had been bothering him. But this time he was doing it of his own will rather than Lenalee running to his chest.

"Lenalee. You won't lose me. I promise. I won't let you lose anyone else again either."

It's one of her deepest fears, and one of her greatest regrets. She always feared losing friends and family, but it was all so strange that she had grown so attached to Allen so quickly, that the thought of him being killed was so devastating. As devastating as losing Komui, though..in a different way.

And then she felt arms around her - it was a bit surprising, since she hadn't expected it. Surprising, but welcomed and appreciated. Once the surprise wore off, she leaned into him, slipping her arms around him as she let her head rest against his body. He's promising something like that.. that she wouldn't lose him or anyone else, and even if it was something that couldn't be kept.. the fact that he was making such a promise made her happy. "Allen.."

Funny how something as simple as his presence did wonders in banishing her worries. If she could bottle this feeling - it wouldn't be the same, but despite the dangers of staying close to him like this, she didn't care. Bring on the Komurins~!

He naturally remembered that confession she made. About what her world was and how it would lose a part every time someone dear to her died. It was a sad world view but to know he was part of it added a certain responsibility. He didn't want to be the reason she shed tears, the reason she would ache in her heart from grief. Because after everything Lenalee had been through, the world itself had a huge debt for her harsh life.

Allen didn't answer the girl's soft murmur, content to just hold her to his chest and reaffirm that things would be better. That her world was safe from harm. Little did he know that he was using up all of his good luck in this instance so that Komui wouldn't burst onto the scene.

Well, it wasn't like she had anything outside the Black Order for her. Everything that was important to her was in the Black Order - despite what a hellish prison it was to her in the beginning. But it was a sad world view, and an unsurprising one, given her past.

In his arms like this, it felt like everything he said was absolute truth. A prophecy even - that everything would be better, that she wouldn't lose anyone - not her friends, not Komui, not him. After a moment, she sighed again, though it was a different kind of sigh from before. One that was more content and not willing to pull away from the warmth of his presence right away. "I ...always feel better when I'm with you, like this -" not specifically this, but it might as well be.

Allen certainly didn't hold her world view against Lenalee. She had every right to find that kind of way, of purpose to keep on living. But just becuse that was so it didn't mean Allen felt it should stay that way for good. It would certainly work while they were in the war with the Earl and the Noah but after that...Huh. Funny. He never really gave that much thought about what the future would hold beyond the war.

"R-Really? I'm happy to hear that! Happy that I can be of some comfort to you." Allen said and softened his embrace a bit but tucked Lenalee in a bit closer as well. Not just for her sake but just a little bit of his own selfishness as well.

After that... Lenalee wasn't sure what she - they - would do. They would still probably have to find Innocence, but other than that...she never really considered it. If the Black Order gets disbanded, maybe she and Komui would be able to go home.

Although Lenalee wasn't sure she'd be able to go back to a normal civilian life. More importantly this feeling... she nuzzled a little into it, "Of course you'd be of comfort to me," she murmured softly, "You're dear to me. My precious friend." Her precious, dear person who she would let the world burn for. "I can feel your warmth, hear your heart.." that he was alive was all the reason she needed for her heart to beat faster.

So they had that in common. In fact in some regards she was better off. After all she still had Komui, a living member of her family. Allen...the closest thing to a family was the old lady and her large companion that he'd lived with after Cross picked him up from the wreckage of his Akumafied father.

Feeling her press back against him brought a soft genuine smile to Allen's lips. One that froze whenhe heard her comment. She was listening to his...heartbeat. The heart that had been patched up by the Innocence to preserve his life in the end...She made it sound like such a big deal. Like it was a treasure to her. Well she did call him a precious friend. And while that did make him feel warm, a distant part of him wasn't all that happy with that position. It was a small and petty side of him that would never see the light of day under normal circumstances.

"W-Well I plan to keep it that way." Oh that was such a bad follow up.

That was a terrible follow up. Definitely up there in worst things to say when a girl is practically cuddling in your arms. Of course Komui would be happy with it. Lenalee on the other hand... a small part of her felt disappointed by that answer. "...of...of course." Wait, did she want him to say something else?

Well she wasn't sure what she wanted him to say but it definitely wasn't that. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to burden you with this.." She even interrupted his snack!

Edited (PFF totally not the icon I meant to use) Date: 2016-04-23 04:10 pm (UTC)

Of course it was. And he feels as if he just failed some big test just now. Allen didn't like that pause either. It felt like it put something between him and Lenalee and that feeling was not one he was comfortable with at all. Not after that dream with her reflection in the surface of a lake and the lake freezing over. He still had chills just remembering that vision. The fact that it was the first thing he saw after coming within an inch of death only made it that much more ominous.

"Huh? Oh no no it's no burden at all. I did ask you to tell me what was bothering you." However he didn't tell her about that dream either. This was so horribly unfair of him and if Lenalee knew she'd probably give him one of her Lenalee punches for being selfish like that.

In a way it seemed to, Lenalee would agree. She even pulled away slowly, rather preferring the warmth of his arms to the evening cold. Though the thought was a bit embarrassing, not to mention surprising.

Of course, there were things they still hadn't told each other. She hadn't told him about her battle with that Akuma and her own near death experience. But she didn't want to tell him that. And she certainly would hit him for being selfish enough to not share his dream, after she shared hers - twice.

"I know.." She smiled a little. "I appreciate you always stopping to listen to me.. they're just dreams; they can't hurt me, but.. they upset me all the same."

Allen already missed the softness and warmth of her body against his. A thought that quickly had him briskly shaking his head ever so slightly. Those thoughts were dangerous and the longer he entertained them the more likely Big Brother's Lenalee radar would go off.

"It's the least I can do. I just wish I could just chase those dreams away for you as well. They might not truly hurt you but it's always a shame to see you getting dragged down by them. That's why I wanted you to know I'm always here if you want someone to listen."

Komui was like a bloodhound when it came to things like that. He was probably having a nightmare about Lenalee getting married right this second! He was probably the biggest hurdle when it came to her being with someone else --

That was odd though - she'd never thought about that kind of thing before. Not with Lavi, or Kanda or anyone else - and then Allen came along and...she shook her head herself, scooting her chair back to its proper spot away from him.

"...thank you, Allen. You're a good friend." ... friend. But was that what she wanted? "I'll do the same for you any time, if you ever want to talk."

To be fair to the man he had the right to be so protective. Even if he did take it to ludicrous extremes. After having his dear sister taken by the Order by force and pushing her to the brink of suicide until he was finally able to be reunited with her. Anyone would want to protect their beloved sibling after that.

Allen smiled softly though behind that smile he could feel his own misgivings about the word friend.

"I know you would. Thank you Lenalee." Unfortunately his personality wouldn't allow him to share any of the deep underlying troubles he had. They were both more alike than they actually realized.

Very true. Lenalee, even though she repeatedly gave her brother boots to the head for his shenanigans - which he fully deserved!, couldn't blame him for his overprotectiveness either. She was quiet a moment, "I... think I'll be able to get some sleep now, thanks to you." Not that she made any move to get up to return to her room or anything.

"...Actually I'm almost done here myself. If you want I can escort you back if you wait a bit longer." That was a bold lie. He'd have to pack it in a bit quicker than normal but given what he was aiming for that was a very small price to pay.

She'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little relieved about that. Whether he was lying or not, she could hardly say, but walking back through those dark halls - even after her concerns being put to ease - still left her a little unsettled.

"Oh--well, if you're almost finished, then I can wait."

Allen's smile grew much warmer when she accepted his offer and he quickly set out to finish his snack, stuffing it unceremoniously into his mouth one after the other. Luckily him eating in such a swift manner was hardly out of character for him. So within a few moments, Allen was pattinghis now full belly in content before quickly taking the dishes and putting them in the sink where they should be after their little night raid.

"All done. Shall we be on our way?"

Lenalee smiled a bit more as she watched him plow through his snack with a speed that would be concerning for a normal person. But for Allen, it was completely normal. Once he was done, she chuckled, getting to her feet and nodding. "Yes. I'm sure you're getting tired as well." Ready for a nice escort through the scary dark hallways to her nice safe room.