midnightstar | How it should have happened!

"If you do this, you won't be able to come back. They'll think of you as a traitor or a spy, the same as Allen." Komui had said. Well, she probably wouldn't be judged AS harshly as Allen, but it wouldn't look favorably on Lenalee if she up and abandoned the Order to chase after him. It was one thing to drag him back, but knowing what would wait for him if she did, she had no intention of doing so. And she had no intention of leaving his side once she found him either.

This... was not what she had dreamed of when she thought about the days of not being needed in the Order - when she and Allen could live together, even with Komui. But she didn't regret her decision. She did, however, worry about Komui once she left - because he would probably take the consequences for it. Sure he reassured her about it, that he would be fine - and that he would even follow as soon as he could, if he could -- lord knows they would be watching him like a /hawk/ if they didn't imprison him or something.

Was this really the right thing to do? Abandon her family for her love? Lenalee shook her head. Had to stop thinking like that. Komui was no fool, and he had his own allies there. He'd be fine.. besides, the dreams she had when she was able to sleep.. they worried her. frightened her, even.

No, that's a laugh. She hadn't been able to sleep properly since Allen took off. That's why she went out with the team to try and find them - but since they were called back, Lenalee couldnt help but disagree with the decision. Which is why she called her brother on a secure line and ..he already knew honestly. He knew she wouldn't agree to peacefully going back, after all she and Allen had been through.

So with her brother's blessing, reassurance and request that she convey his worries to Allen as well, Lenalee made an excuse that she needed to use the bathroom, and bolted the moment she was out of sight. Once she lost her pursuers, she would focus on searching for Allen properly. And pray (ha) she wasn't making a horrible mistake.

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She hit him so hard even HER hand was stinging afterwards. If she wasn't so angry she'd feel bad about the imprint of her hand on his cheek, adding to the pain he was no doubt feeling from the kick earlier.

But she /was/ angry, and hurt and only not wanting to draw attention from their neighbors or anyone kept her from yelling. But maybe the quiet voice full of pain was worse, because she was obviously holding it back. "You're horrible." She finally breathed, glancing away from him for a second.

She never thought she would ever say those words to him. Ever. "How ... could you for even a second think I would ever.." Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks, and she furiously rubbed them away. She refused to break into tears. But he thought she would have dragged him back to the Order, and that hurt. Even if the Order had been her world, He was her Universe. Now her Universe had vanished and her World had fallen apart.

Yeah he deserved that. Allen had no illusions about that particular truth. He catches those tears that threaten to spill from her eyes and they stab into his heart like a hot knife through butter.

He was horrible. A horrible selfish and cowardly man who could only think to run if it meant keeping the others safe. If it meant keeping her safe. Yet now she had come after him regardless. Honestly what the hell was he thinking? If the Order had sent her out she would NOT be alone. He was a high value target and they knew how strong and shrewd he was. No one would send just Lenalee after him.

If Lenalee hadn't slapped him, he would have kicked himself for it anyway. Regardless. This was something he had to face.

"Lenalee..."

Oh, he's going to try and convince her to go back now isn't he. HA, JOKE'S ON HIM, she can't. She's still going to try to talk him out of it though. She manages to get that urge to cry under control, but her tone was still accusatory, still angry, "I came after you because I love you." You idiot, goes unsaid but implied, hanging thick in the air.

"I want to be with you, and I don't care how dangerous it is." Having to be on the run from Finders and possibly encountering former allies, let alone why else Allen would have fun. "I know.. it's selfish of me.. but you're my entire world. You mean everything to me..and I can't bear the thought of being without you another day..I don't want you to be alone, having to suffer and bear everything by yourself."

She didn't even want to give him an option. She wanted to tell him she was staying with him no matter what, he didn't have a choice. But that wasn't fair either. "...but if you still want me to leave, ...if you don't want to ..to be with me, I'll.. I'll leave. I won't tell anyone I saw you, I just.. I would never forgive myself if I couldn't see you one last time... to tell you how much you mean to me. How worried Komui and I have been about you." How cold and terrifying the nights were without him.

He was going to try that yes. But then she took the equivalent of Judgment from Cross' hands and shot him with a bullet the likes of which he was never prepared for. Any argument he had completely tossed to the void as his eyes widen and he stares up at her in speechless shock. She loved him...She actually just came right out and said it. An idiot like him with so many spectres and skeletons in his closet and she said she loved him.

But that was merely the start of it. What she said next pushed him even further into a speechless stupor as he let her get it all off her chest. The reluctances was still there only it was of a different nature. Not because he didn't want her there. No that was never true. It was because he wanted her that he'd run. Yet even back then never did he imagine these were the words she had for him.

"Lenalee...I...this is. You have any idea what you're signing up for? The reason I ran. It was to keep you and everyone safe. Because I didn't want you to become pawns for it. I didn't....I didn't want to make you or any of the others have to fight me like puppets. Knowing all that you...you still want to be here with me?"

He really was an idiot if he was stunned by her saying she loved him. How many times did she have to say it before he believed her? But she knew his past was difficult, in a word, so she could forgive that disbelief. "I would have gone with you from the beginning, but you never gave me that chance." At least he wasn't really telling her he wanted her to leave, so that anger was starting to cool slightly, especially now that she was able to say what she had been holding onto for weeks.

She was quiet a moment at his question, but not because she needed to think about it or the realization of what she'd gotten into. No, she was debating whether or not to tell him she couldn't go back - that she left Komui behind (with his understanding of course, though she was SURE he was crying right now about it, and she still felt awful for it) She didn't want him to add that to his list of undeserved guilt.

"I don't know what danger you're facing... I just know I want to stay by yours side and face it together with you. No matter what. I know it's selfish, but it's your fault for making me fall in love with you." For being the person he couldn't see in himself, but Lenalee could see so clearly.

He was indeed an idiot. They had long since established that. Though he did flinch when she pointed out the way they had parted last time.

She might have wanted to keep things at that but Allen was a glutton for guilt as it were so in the end he had to ask the heaviest question of all.

"What about Komui?" Surely he would be in a world of trouble for Lenalee running off on her own. But it was obvious that he wasn't asking this to persuade her to leave. Not anymore.

Ah, she might have known he would ask. He would clearly see the pained expression on her face at mention of her brother like pouring salt on an open wound. "I ... I spoke to Komui before-- when I made my decision." It took her a long time to make said descision too. Komui was the next most important person in her life.

"He tried to talk me out of it, at first.." And then when he realized he wasn't going to change her mind... "He said he would be fine." She didn't really believe that though. She was a horrible sister. Komui had plans on plans on plans, but she didn't think he had ever planned for Lenalee up and abandoning the Order. "He said he'd cover my tracks as best he could since I.... won't be able to go back."

That was true. Now that she had run away once, if she was ever captured again, unpleasant would be an understatement for what they would do. Really Lenalee had taken a leap with no way back. That fact alone made it impossible for him to even consider chasing her away.

In the end he let out a faint sigh in resignation. "Honestly....what am I supposed to say to that..." He covered his face with one hand for a moment. "I wasn't entirely truthful with you when you asked why I ran away. IT was because it was you. Because I knew that if I were to speak to you, my resolve would buckle and break down completely. The resolve to be alone, to be the bait for a monster I have no idea if I will be able to take down while also trying to not become a monster myself." He lowered his hand. "I might end up hurting you. If I ever stop being myself, you would be the first one in danger."

She felt oddly hopeful at that confession. That meant he still wanted to be with her, right? She almost reached out for him, but caught herself, presseing her hands into her legs, "I believe in you, Allen. Even if you can't. You won't hurt me." And she'll make certain he never stops being himself. "And you won't fall into that darkness." That which haunted her nightmares. Honestly, there was so much that terrified her, it was almost funny how it all seemed nearly trivial when she was with him. Even when it was anything but trivial.

Of course he did. Her could lie and put on as many masks as stars were in the sky, but the one thing he could never change on a whim was his heart. Her faith. It's both reassuring but also a burden in a sense. He wants to live up to that belief she had in him. He would love nothing more than to make those words a reality. Well maybe he'd have to come up with some countermeasures for the worst case scenario.

But right now he was feeling...strangely lighter. Having Lenalee there and it already made such a difference. Not just that but to hear those precious words and receiving those feelings.

"I fold. It's your win, Lenalee."

All of her cards lay before her, metaphorically, so it was up to Allen at this point. He could still tell her to leave, technically, and the unsurety chewed at her along with the guilt and fear for her brother. When Allen finally gave in, she almost didn't believe her luck, staring at him for a second before she finally blinked, "D..do you mean it?" He wouldn't be so cruel as to say she wins, and then rush off the moment her back was turned, would he?

Honestly. This entire chain of events proved his thoughts were correct in that Lenalee truly was his greatest weakness. Even if the facts she used were objectively true, he would still do his best to soldier through them regardless. With Lenalee that just wasn't possible.

"I swear it on my name." Allen nodded with a helpless smile. Though that did still leave one tiny thing to sort out. Namely the fact that she was straddling him on top of a bed.

She studied his face for a second, but he didn't look like he was giving her that smile she hated so much. So she relaxed, ".. okay." So relieved. She would still be worried about her brother, but at least her 'betryal' wasn't in vain. And.. oH. OH yeah, she was still straddling his legs, ahahah. She... should get off. She kind of didn't want to, but he was an injured boi and that was her fault, so she carefully scooted off of his legs, sheepish. "Does it still hurt..?"

Seeing that relief on her face was really not fair at all but this was his punishemnt for putting her through all of this so he would bear it without complaint. Not that he had any right to complain at this point.

"A little sore but it will pass." Allen said before his hand slid up to her side only to then pull away as she got off from on top of him.

"HOnestly your timing is almost uncanny. I was going to leave the circus after tonight's performance. Couldn't stay with them for too long."

Oh sure Allen, make her regret moving now. Lenalee lifted her eyebrows. "Haha, really..? I wasn't going to even ask with them initially," she admitted, "But something told me I should look anyway." Oh that reminded her. "..I thought I would have to spend more time convincing you - I rented this room for two nights." She admitted sheepishly. Which was good as it turns out, he'd probably need that extra night for all the soreness to fade. They'd definitely have to be on the move after that though.

"T-Two nights?" Allen's face immediately went full blush. Well maybe she underestimated her own power over him but regardless that meant he would have at least two days alone in a room with Lenalee....that...that was DANGEROUS FOR A WHOLE NEW REASON! Especially after her confession.

Lenalee nodded, looking pensive. "We can get a map of the area and figure out where to go from here." Though she wasn't thinking about..THAT danger. She did glance back at him curious at first by that flushed face, but she didn't draw attention to it. She smiled apologetically instead, "..I didn't mean to hit you as hard as I did."

... no, she absolutely did, but she still felt bad about it.

"Mhhh I do have a clue but I just don't know where it is." The mansion in that field of wheat. It could be anywhere in europe really. That meant they could only travel from place to play. Travel...together with Lenalee. Just like when they first started out as exorcists.

"Oh don't ow worry about it. I probably would not have stopped running otherwise..." That was the simple truth of the matter really.

She reached over to gingerly touch his cheek, purely because she hadn't felt his skin in so long, "Even so..." She sighed, letting her hand drop away. They could blame themselves all they liked, but they had to stay focused! "Ah..are you hungry or thirsty?" They had an open buffet she could swipe food from. (Look who she's asking.) Or they could just stay in and come down from the adrenaline of a few hours ago.

Aww why did she have to drop her hand? He was this close to leaning into her touch. HOpefully she didn't notice the yearning lean he almost did.

"Hmmm well not just yet. Though I should get this make up off."

Lenalee smiled, nodding a bit, "Right. It is a little strange to see you wearing that - I didn't recognize you at all at first." And it took some doing to realize from that voice that it was him. But she moved away from him all the same, to let him go into the bathroom to wash his face. When he came back out, she was sitting on the couch in the room, looking tired but a million times more relaxed.

Allen padded over to the bathroom, not bothering to close the door since he was just using the sink and he certainly felt as if closing the door would likely make Lenalee worry he would jump out the window or something. Eventually he returned, wiping his face with a towel before throwing it over his shoulders.

"You look exhausted yourself." Allen sait, walking over to put his hand on Lenalee's shoulder while peering up close.

She instinctively jumped at the touch, then relaxed again as she glanced at Allen, a smile coming to her lips, "Ahah, I was up late a lot of nights." Nightmares kept her up. Worry and indecision made her sleep fitful. She patted the couch for him to sit with her, studying his face like she was trying to memorize it. Maybe she was too trusting, but she hadn't thought about the possibility of him using washing his face as an excuse.

Allen shyly took that invitation and settled up next to Lenalee, his hip bumping lightly agianst hers causing him to startle for a moment before relaxing again. Hearing that she hadn't been getting much sleep did make his brows furrow in concern. No doubt he played a considerable part in that state of being. So He leaned over to take hold of her hand and pulled her flush against his side.

"Wha.." Lenalee squeaked in surprise at suddenly being tugged over and against that familiar warmth, "Allen..." she murmured faintly, glancing up at him as her hand instinctively clutched his, gently at first, then tighter, both out of need of feeling him close and from worry he would be gone if she blinked.