midnightstar | Shionne and Alphen in Menancia

They've all come a long way since Calaglia, both in terms of distance and... other things. Things Shionne was forcing herself not to acknowledge. Because what would the point be to acknowledge those thoughts when she couldn't act on them - when at the end of this journey, she had no future? Ah... but that was something she hadn't - couldn't - tell the others, who she's begun thinking of as more than just 'tools'.

Particularly Alphen.

It was the hardest to think of him when she knew how much she was keeping from him. Much to her frustration, however, the group had decided to take a break for a little while since Shionne's pace had been pushing the others quite a lot - and they did just gain two new companions. Shionne was avoiding them as much as possible, deciding to go for a walk through the city almost...baffled by how accepting the Dahnans and Renans were.

It was ... nice. But it felt so alien to her, at the same time.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Shionne's gaze was certainly falling on him a lot more frequently, though everytime he glanced at her, her smile turned almost more shy, especially when she thought about what they shared and how close they got. So close she ..came very close to doing something she'd never dreamed about - or more accurately, she never dreamed she'd be able to get close enough to someone for that.

"Y-yeah, I'm pretty hungry too." Though thanks to the thorns, she always was hungry it seemed. Knowing his hand was so close, .. was strangely reassuring. She lightly brushed her finger against his - though without looking at him - as if to remind herself that he was right there, and what they shared actually happened. "Do you need help?"

Kisara shook her head, "No no, you both need to get your rest. Let us take care of things for a while. Rinwell?" She waved the mage to join her, while Dohalim sat down to wait and Law started the fire. Eventually they were going to have to address the elephant in the room - that fourth Lord. But right now, the mood was light and no one wanted to darken it, least of all Shionne. Maybe after they ate though.

That absolutely would need addressing at some point. Alphen was in no hurry to bring that up though. This atmosphere right now was just another reason for him to fight to see this journey to the end and make sure all of them would be standing at the end smiling and safe as they would face a new future with endless possibilities.

Though for some odd reason he kept lingering on an image of himself and Shionne having their own little house out in some woods with her greeting him with a big smile after he came back from chopping wood or fishing in a nearby river...the fact that he could think of so many clear details was honestly quite confusing to him but it all felt like a puzzle whose pieces fell in place as naturally as breathing.

Shionne would definitely get flustered if she knew that's what he was thinking, but at the same time, it felt like a wonderful dream. In fact, she was in a -very- good mood for the rest of their dinner - the others found it particularly curious, but they were glad for it. And if anyone else noticed that Shionne sat a little closer to Alphen - juuust enough to not trigger her thorns - or that she would occasionally give him a softer smile when speaking to him (or that when they were in conversation Alphen and Shionne were in their own world), no one drew attention to it.

Unfortunately, after that ... well they might have gotten in a little over their heads. Moreso than expected. With Rinwell almost becoming a murderer, Shionne getting kidnapped and Alphen's mask shattering fully - things were looking pre-tty bad. Fortunately it wasn't too long before Shionne was rescued, although poor Alphen .... would probably do the same thing all over again, suffering the thorns even though he could feel the pain this time.

Defeating Volran was definitely not easy, and chances were they would run into him again in the future - but for the time being, recuperation in Pelegion was desperately, desperately needed for everyone. Kisara took it upon herself to check on everyone, especially when Shionne was keeping to herself more than ever. Not that she was ungrateful everyone came for her, but knowing that Alphen could feel the pain from her thorns now.. she was unsure of approaching him.

Pelegion was hardly a desirable place to choose to rest in given they had just killed its monstrous tyrant supposedly. Though the lack of body WAS quite concerning given the appearance of that mysterious woman.

Between the uncertainty of their fate as well as the fact that their prize had been stolen right at the very last moment, it was little wonder the party temporarily busied themselves in other ways.

There was the elephant in the room for Alphen that he was not quite sure how to deal with. It wasn't the fact that he could feel pain that kept him away. It was his initial reaction when she got taken. When he actually flinched from her because of feeling pain for the first time in what felt like his entire life. Well that wasn't quite true. He had remembered QUITE a bit including the fact that he was MUCH MUCH older than he looked due to certain events.

That being said the fact that she kept avoiding him was what cornered him the most. Since if she had just appeared before him he could have taken the chance to say the words that had been smouldering in his heart for quite a while.

This isn't working. WIth that realization, Alphen finally set out to track her down. Whether she allowed it or not.

Though she had made a concentrated effort to avoid everyone possible, it was inevitable that Alphen would eventually track her down. She knew he would, and genuinely had no idea what she would say to him when he did.

After the days they spent together getting to know each other, growing closer - close enough that she had begun trusting in him in every way possible - to the point that she even let herself rely on him. To let herself having that moment of weakness and lean against him physically as well as emotionally and mentally.. thinking that just maybe things would work out even that way.

Until Vholran showed up. But it wasn't the fact that he kidnapped her that hurt most - it was the horror in the way Alphen cried out when he felt the pain of her thorns for the first time. She didn't blame him for that, everyone would have that same reaction. But at the same time, the agony she felt in him letting go of her hand, in seeing someone she cared for be injured like that.. that was more real than she wanted.

Even though she kept replaying the moment he hugged her when they rescued her. It was all she had now - how could she ever even dream of anything more than that? And how could she face him after everything when she could hurt him now? It was almost funny that -that- bothered her more than the fact that they lost the opportunity to make the Renas Alma because of that..creepy person. Almost.

With everything on her mind, Shionne's success in keeping away from everyone - particularly Alphen - only left her feeling more lonely. Now she'd have to get used to this again. Which is probably when she was doing when Alphen -did- find her again, separated from everyone and just ..looking out a window, lost in thought.

Edited Date: 2022-02-19 11:29 am (UTC)

Honestly as he went through what felt like an endless castle, Alphen came to terms with the fact that he'd postponed this for too long. Knowing Shionne she had stewed in her own dark thoughts and emotions all this time and he had not been there for her as he'd promised he'd always be. As such by the time he finally tracked her down, his breathing was considerably deeper since he had been really going overtime to get to ehr faster.

"There you are..." He said finally appearing in the door leading to the room she had holed up in while lost in her thoughts.

By the time he found her, her thoughts had moved from 'he's probably going to look for me' to 'he won't look for me. He's tired of everything I've put him through until now and he can't even touch me. Why would he look for me, still? It's no different now than it was before.. I'm still going to be alone.'

So cyclic in nature were her thoughts, a tiny part of herself still argued with those darker thoughts that Alphen meant what he said - he wasn't like everyone else. But even with that she kept going back to the fact that they couldn't touch each other. Not without causing him pain, and Shionne wasn't willing to do that.

So hearing his voice startled her out of her internal argument quite a bit, where she actually jumped slightly with a small surprised gasp. Then her expression quickly reverted back to normal, and she glanced over at Alphen. "Alphen..."

It.. was still a bit of a shock to see him without his mask. He really was attractive. He'd have no problem finding a replacement for her when she wasn't around anymore. She gave him the briefest of smiles, a businesslike acknowledgement at best. "What can I do for you? Have you heard any news?"

Honestly without the helmet covering half of his face, his field of view had improved considerably to the point that if he had not been in an immense amount of emotional distress over Shionne, he would have needed longer to get used to it. Right now though that didn't matter at all. He was a little surprised how much he had needed to see her. Only now that he finally stood before her did it hit him. The extent to which he had needed to find her and he had to kick himself for taking so long to do it.

"I just... Aaah it's been so long and I have so many things I want to say." Alphen sighed as he decided to step up closer now that they were actually talking. He certainly missed the closeness he could have had if the helmet had not shattered fully.

"How...are you feeling feels like a stupid question now when I can see you with my own eyes."

Oh. So he intended to tell her outright.. she could appreciate that. She had suspected it would come to this anyway. Though at the same time, she didn't want to hear those words from him - she'd heard it from so many already. When he started towards her, she internally shoved aside that selfish, greedy wish to move closer to him as well, and forced herself to step back, holding up a hand to warn him from coming nearer to her.

"You don't have to say anything." She said instead, firmly, almost pointedly keeping the requisite distance between them so it didn't trigger her thorns. "I..." She wanted to be sure he was okay herself. Seeing him in person, it just made things harder, it made her want to be close to him again. She took a breath, "I'm fine.. thank you. Thanks to you and everyone." She glanced at him again, hesitantly. "What about you..?" And the others of course.

Even without the metaphorical research log he kept on Shionne and her quirk close to his heart and mind, ALphen could see the signs in her eyes and cornered body language. He felt...upset. With himself mostly but also with her for being so willing to go back to that lonely darkness.

"To be quite frank. Not the greatest. I talked a big game and failed to uphold so much of it. To that end I have to say I am sorry. That moment when I let go...There wasn't a day where I didn't regret it. I still do." He said gritting his teeth to keep those more ardent emotions in check for now. Because he HAD to get through to her. He would accept nothing less.

She hesitated a moment, almost confused. This was clearly not the conversation she was expecting. "You .. you don't have to apologize for that." She lowered her hand and crossed her arms awkwardly, "I've told you time and again, didn't I? You're only hurting yourself ..you felt the same pain everyone else has. It's only natural that you would have let go." She paused again, "..I don't want to be the cause of you feeling pain again." To herself, she added, "Or anyone else." But particularly -him-.

He immediately shook his head. No he knew the slippery slope Shionne was heading into. So he was not going to give her the chance. He gritted his teeth and moved up closer until he got right up in front of Shionne and gave her forhead the quickest of flicks. He didn't cry out when the thorns retaliated. Instead he grit his teeth and bore that brief spike of pain. Compared to when she was consumed by the will behind those thorns, that pain was nothing. When compared to the pain he felt when he failed her, it was even less than nothing.

"Natural or not, it doesn't change the fact that I hurt you. I failed you. I won't do it again. Besides there's still the whole mission of getting you free of that curse without actually killing you to do it. I have not forgotten and given how things have...escalated, we clearly don't know everything there is to know about this system that's been enforced on this planet and us."

Shionne flinched in surprised, having not expected him to move in so close so quickly - then let out another yelp, not from pain but more surprise at the forehead flick, "Alphen!" Even if it was only a teeny tiny zap from the thorns. She backed away again, "You didn't fail me, you don't........ you don't owe me anything.." Ah-- except that whole mission deal. With the Renas Alma stolen and knowing less than nothing about the situation now... she sighed. How they would manage to avoid her death now, she had no idea. And her nightmares were just getting worse lately. "We don't even know where that woman took the Renas Alma." And if she took it off planet... well it's not like there were any spaceships lying around.

"If you back away like that I'm going to have to grab your wrist and that's going to hurt a lot more." He was going to do it. It's obvious from his voice and the fiery glare in his eyes that he was more than willing to do that to keep her from putting TOO much distance. Was it playing fair? No not really. But he had to play those underhanded moves or else she'd just build those walls right back up and that was the worst case scenario second only to Shionne dying.

"It's not about owing. That's not what this is all about or why I want to help you no matter what." Alphen sighed before going on with her other points.

"We don't know yet. But we'll find out. In one way or another."

Shionne scowled at him, still tensed and not quite backing away again yet. Though if he did step forward, she planned on moving away again. Still, she was suspicious that he wasn't joking about that 'threat', but still gave him a stubborn reaction. "That's not funny." She huffed, "As long as you stay over -there-." ~~social distancing Alphen!~~ "I won't need to back away." She finished, quieter, as her gaze shifted away from him uneasily. She didn't -like- staying away from him, but she'd feel far more guilty over him being hurt. Granted she was guilty before too, but he never felt the pain. "..I hope that's true." They had a lot of people with an ear out, right? Surely someone must know - something.

"Good. Since I'm not joking about it." Well he certainly had grown more...assertive and blunt than he had already been. It seemed getting more of his memories back had given him more confidence and determination. For someone who had fostered so much of it already.

"It is. We'll find a way forward. We just need to figure out the destination."

That.. that actually caught her off guard. She hadn't been taken away from him that long - although he'd always been a LITTLE assertive, that bluntness was a bit more new. She fell silent a moment, wondering what he must have been thinking in that time to change so. She started to speak, paused and changed her mind on what she had been about to say. "... Is that everything?" He checked on her so there was no real reason for him to stick around right?

... not that that was what she really wanted to say, or do. Every minute Vholran had her she had clung to the memory and thought of Alphen, everything he said and the time they spent together. And Vholran kept using that to point out how she wouldn't have that when she met with him again.

And yet... the one thing she wanted to do most of all was hold him. Except that would cause him pain. Which she didn't want. She just had to ..stand firm. Who's stubbornness would give out first though?

Oh. Oh so that's what she was trying to do next? Alphen felt his blood boil faintly and instead he pointed at the window again. He wished he could just grab her again like he used to in the past but just because he could not touch her,.Alphen wasn't going to keep his distance more than he absolutely had to.

"Sit. We need to talk properly."

He was definitely not making this easy on her. Arms still folded, she glanced from him over towards the sofa by the window, then back at him. Fine. He had more to tell her she supposed. She closed her eyes briefly, then let out a sharp exhale. "Fine." She turned and paced over to sit on the couch, watching him warily. "What do we possibly need to talk about?" She.might be a touch worried about the topic given how stubborn he could be though.

"Plenty though it seems I need to be the one to take that first step." Alphen answered with a sigh as he sat down next to her so they could look out in to the city that had there been any other circumstances, he would have maybe found to be quite majestic and beautiful instead of the grim reminder of what the people living here were put through.

"I don't want things to change between us." Then he went and dropped that bombshell as the first topic of business so to speak.

She quickly, instinctively moved to scoot to the furthest side of the couch before her thorns could reflexively trigger with him being close to her. If she managed to move before he could that is. And then what he said processed, which brought another moment's pause, before she focused her attention onto the window, "There is no..."

... she couldn't even bring herself to say it. It'd be a lie. Maybe when they first started out, it'd be obvious, but now? There had been something she refused to put word to slowly squeezing in between the cracks of her defenses and now it was rooted in so deeply she couldn't pry it free even if she wanted to. There was...definitely something between them.

"...nothing has changed." She said quietly. They're still teammates, traveling together, their goal was the same. The only difference.. well ...physically that was the biggest difference, but he had to understand why that.. just wasn't possible, right? He knew what would happen.

Yes he knew what would happen. But he also knew that he didn't want that to stop him. Yes he might have trouble touching her properly now. But he did not want to put more distance between himself and Shionne than he absolutely had to. The fact that he had wasted so much time away from her after finally getting her back was something he was going to kick himself for for a long time to come. Because it had obviously done quite a fair bit of damage to the progress he'd been making with her.

"No quite a bit has changed. But there are some things that haven't. Like me wanting to be close to you."

She fixed her gaze on her hands. She wanted to be close to him too, honestly. That hug that had caught her off guard, but it made her want to feel him closer. Even now she wanted to hold him - but knowing she was going to hurt him made her hesitant. "That's.. you know that isn't possible. You know what will happen." She'll hurt him like she hurts everyone else.

"Yet I still did it to bring you back and I'd do it again a thousand times over if given the choice." Alphen pointed out and despite the faint sadness in his smile, there was no lie, no deceit in his expression, The yearning he felt to be close to Shionne was still very much there if not even stronger after losing her once already.

"Besides that's only the case as long as you still have your curse. Remember getting that cleared up is still one of my main goals in this."

She hated to see that sadness in his expression, and hated it more when she knew she was the cause of it. "That's.." She hesitated - it was probably a long way off, and she still might not survive. But she wouldn't bring that up to him. "Even if that's the case..you still can't-" She half raised a hand, "We still can't touch each other." Even if she wanted to - she had to resist the urge to reach out to him just sitting opposite him. "There's no telling how long it would take to break my curse..without killing me."