midnightstar | Shionne and Alphen in Menancia

They've all come a long way since Calaglia, both in terms of distance and... other things. Things Shionne was forcing herself not to acknowledge. Because what would the point be to acknowledge those thoughts when she couldn't act on them - when at the end of this journey, she had no future? Ah... but that was something she hadn't - couldn't - tell the others, who she's begun thinking of as more than just 'tools'.

Particularly Alphen.

It was the hardest to think of him when she knew how much she was keeping from him. Much to her frustration, however, the group had decided to take a break for a little while since Shionne's pace had been pushing the others quite a lot - and they did just gain two new companions. Shionne was avoiding them as much as possible, deciding to go for a walk through the city almost...baffled by how accepting the Dahnans and Renans were.

It was ... nice. But it felt so alien to her, at the same time.

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He resolutely shakes his head at that.

"I would never have met Zephyr if you hadn't jumped on that cargo train, if you hadn't been there. I would have kept passively fighting against those guards waiting for a perfect time that would likely never come." He had time to think about his past self and realized that in the grand scheme of things his so called will was nothing that great. Because even if he glared even if he took blows for others, it would not change a thing.

She... supposed he had a point there. "Haha, okay.. Okay I surrender." Here she was trying to give him all the credit, and he kept bringing it back to her. "... I know I didn't have much of a plan when I jumped onto that cargo train.. but I'm glad that I did. Although I never thought I would have met someone like you in doing so." She started to lift a hand over the small gap between them- paused, and lowered her hand again.

Good. Because she deserved that credit. Alphen would not hear anyone take that from her even herself. Still he missed that closeness they had before Law's slip up so rather than let her build that wall up completely again, he opted to sit closer and then lean his shoulder against hers outright.

She started in surprise when he moved closer - even close enough to feel his shoulder against hers, "A-alphen -" she started to protest, debating leaning away or inching back just so her thorns weren't reacting. Even if part of her wanted to lean against him - no no, not just that. SHe wanted to wrap her arms around him and hug him so tightly.. but that was just because of everything. Not just being grateful for him standing up for her, but because she'd been so scared when that man was fixated on attacking him. And Alphen was always so reckless in fights..

He acted as if she didn't say a thing instead leaning openly against her shoulder but not enough to knock Shionne over. Just like he said, that armor looked a lot heavier than it actually felt. Even so he felt...a complete sense of comfort when he was so close to Shionne. So why would he hesitate as long as it did not inconvenience her. As in truly inconvenience and not her telling herself she should not be allowed to have this sort of interaction.

She fell into a thoughtful silence for a second, before her hand hesitantly drifted over to brush against his. "...aren't.. don't you worry about what my thorns are doing to your body... even though you can't feel it...?" She asked quietly instead. "It might not show now, but over time...."

Alphen chuckles and turns his head to look back at Shionne.

"I don't. Because if there was actual damage done to me, there is no way you wouldn't notice with how you fuss over me all the time." He was using fuss as fondly as humanly possible since he absolutely appreciated her concern over his wellbeing in a way that was far separate from how Doc used to be.

"I don't fuss..!" She sputtered, defensive - though with him looking at her, it suddenly hit her how close he was. "..." IMMEDIATELY focusing her attention away from his face, she cleared her throat, "... not any more than over anyone else." LLLLLlllllllies. But seeing him say 'fuss' with so much fondness and the way he looked at her.. it was making her feel odd. Lightheaded? Warm.. she would die happy if he smiled at her like that for the rest of her days.

His shoulder shook with the chuckle that left his lips at that reaction. Oh there it was. That cute reaction that made her even more lovely to be with. Alphen would fight tooth and nail to give her the time and circumstances to be like that more often. Yes freeing his people was still a priority but before he knew it he had a more selfish goal as well. Yet it didn't feel wrong either. After all he was no saint. He was a man like any other. SOme made him out to be a hero but he didn't think he was there yet if ever.

Before she knew it, she was smiling at the sound of that chuckle, letting herself relax against him. Did she dare to let her head rest against his shoulder too? That might be too risky - it was bad enough she allowed herself this much. His indulgence was making her crave more .. surely that would be a problem.

Gods but it was tempting to snuggle close against him, even if it was just to be a little warmer. She resisted the urge, taking a long breath. ".. you're... the only one who's fine with this." The whole zappyzap from the thorns, giving her that closeness she wanted with him.

Though she had to wonder why it was so important that she was this close with him. It wasn't even that she wanted closeness in general, she wanted it with him. No one else would do.

He certainly hoped she could rest against him more. After all he was the only one she could approach that way. It might have been a little selfish of him to want that but really if she didn't like those few moments where her guard slipped he would not push nearly as often for that distance between them to shrink.

"So? I like being unique like that." He smiled brightly before his hand slowly ghosted over to hers without even really thinking.

Resting is one thing, snuggling.. totally different! Even if he was the only one she could be ..somewhat physically close to. "... I just don't want to be the one to cause you pain in the long term. Even if you can't feel it, and even if I can heal it afterwards." Unconsciously she felt herself leaning against him closer, feeling his hand moving closer to hers. Instinctively she brushed her hand against his. Funny, she never asked him if he could feel in general when he told them that he couldn't feel pain. To what degree could he feel her?

... thinking about that just made her flustered, actually. She skirted away from that thought, "I don't want to see you get hurt. Ever." Which is why she had thrown herself in the way of that attack that came for him. "Especially not because you're protecting me." She was going to get him killed indirectly if he kept it up! The thought of him dying was.. genuinely even more frightening than her nightmares.

Of course he could feel in general. He felt the softness of her hand bereft the sharp thorns behind the energy crackling. He might have flinched at the first sight of the thorns activating around him but that quickly gave way to his desire to be closer to Shionne.

"Then you also know how it is for me. Whenever you got really hurt I just...something inside of me breaks out." Alphen admitted with a frustrated chuckle since he couldn't phrase that any better right now.

Shionne let out a soft sigh. As much as she worried about how unfair these ..moments were to him, .. to both of them in a way .. she couldn't bring herself to stop or push him away when it happened. Which was admittedly rare when she allowed herself to lower her guard and just rest. She gently brushed her fingers over his hand, giving a small, bitter laugh. ".. it's.. only going to be more troublesome from here.." The encounters or that craving they had to be closer?

Alphen closed his hand tenderly around hers. Not for fear of hurting himself but because he felt that such gentleness was the best approach right now when Shionne was showing a moment of honesty like this.

"We'll make it through it. All of us." Naturally that included Shionne. He had not forgotten about finding way to make sure she made it out of this with her life in tow.

She glanced down at his hand, smiling softly, moving her other hand over his, just as gently, though hers was mostly fear of hurting him. At least she's stopped suggesting that she wasn't going to make it through with the others - it seemed like she was hoping for that same outcome.

She tilted her head against his shoulder slightly, glancing up towards him, "..of course. There are only two Lord's left so.." ...it just dawned on her but she was a lot closer to him than she thought. Erm. She glanced away quickly, a little flustered - he wasn't even doing anything, but it still was more than enough to get her heartbeat racing!

"Yeah. Still shouldn't lower our guard with being so close to the end." Alphen spoke with a soft nod while his fingers idly locked together with hers. There wasn't even any real thought put into that action just his body responding in the way it felt natural given the circumstances.

Shionne's gaze drifted to their hands for a moment, before giving them a slight squeeze unconsciously. One day she wouldn't be able to do this, right? Not just because of her possible death, but if that mask broke any further and came off... since it was the reason he couldn't feel pain. "Alphen.." She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer honestly. But she glanced up at him hesitantly, "What .. what if you get your mask off...?" She shouldn't get too used to feeling him like this. But she wanted to.

Edited Date: 2022-01-21 01:57 pm (UTC)

That gave him pause for a moment.

"I never really thought about that. Hell before this journey even started I thought I'd live out my life and die with the helmet on." Alphen admitted with a wry chuckle. But then his tone softened again.

"If it did happen though...I guess I'd just have to adapt to that kind of living all over again. Though it wouldn't stop me from finding a way to get rid of your curse. Though I guess in my mind I might have always expected those two things to kind of happen at the same time?"

"Maybe they will." Shionne mused absently, closing her eyes for a second. Maybe she just wanted to feel what it was like to let him support her fully .. or maybe she wanted to pretend for just a second, what it might be like without her curse.

.. the crackling made that illusion difficult to imagine though - for her at least. Actually she's been touching him for a while now, she should take care of the damage her thorns were doing. "But.. you know it's possible that you could get your mask off before then, somehow.." She'd been kind of.. out of it for obvious reasons, but it seems like there had been some kind of reaction back then.. hmm.

He could understand why the topic would be so important. So rather than promise it won't happen or that he would just endure the pain and damage her opted for a middle ground she could absolutely believe in.

"That still wouldn't stop me from wanting to be close to you."

She flinched at that, going silent for a few seconds, "... that would be impossible." She breathed after a moment. "I shouldn't even let you this close now.. the only reason I-" actually who reached out to who here? She couldn't remember if he came to her or if she moved towards him. She shifted her grip on his hand to start using a healing spell, not meeting his eyes, "You can't feel pain now, but once your mask is off.. you'll feel everything again. All of the pain that my thorns cause just from being close to someone.."

"I don't care. I'm just even more convinced that seeing you force yourself to stay away would likely hurt even more." While his mind was of that stance, his body would still come to instinctively recoil from her not too far in the future from now. But that was not the present and he was going to make the most of their time together like this to reassure Shionne.

And him saying things like that when she was ..mostly convinced she wouldn't be able to be with him just was another hit after the last. "Why can't you understand-"

No, it wasn't that he -couldn't- understand, he just fundamentally rejected the idea that she would die, or be alone forever, or that they--

She mentally shook her head, ending her healing spell, leaving one hand against his, the other half raising to touch the cheek still exposed by the mask, "Why do you have to ... say things like that..?" So sweet, and yet the agony of not having what you want hurt too.

"Because I don't want to lie." Alphen insisted again and leaned into her touch before he grabbed her hand with his other one and held it there in place as he gazed back at her with an unwavering gaze.

"To you or to myself."