midnightstar | Shionne and Alphen in Menancia

They've all come a long way since Calaglia, both in terms of distance and... other things. Things Shionne was forcing herself not to acknowledge. Because what would the point be to acknowledge those thoughts when she couldn't act on them - when at the end of this journey, she had no future? Ah... but that was something she hadn't - couldn't - tell the others, who she's begun thinking of as more than just 'tools'.

Particularly Alphen.

It was the hardest to think of him when she knew how much she was keeping from him. Much to her frustration, however, the group had decided to take a break for a little while since Shionne's pace had been pushing the others quite a lot - and they did just gain two new companions. Shionne was avoiding them as much as possible, deciding to go for a walk through the city almost...baffled by how accepting the Dahnans and Renans were.

It was ... nice. But it felt so alien to her, at the same time.

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"I...am not sure I follow." She had lied about the end of their journey? Why? She didn't have to lie about that so he had a hard time yet again with the simple matter of WHY.

"All those times I said we wouldn't travel together in the end...when I asked if you would remember me.." She curled her hand into a fist, "When we get the final core and can create the Renas Alma..." She was..trying very hard to keep her voice steady at this point, to not think about ..that, but the tears were still threatening to fall, held back just barely.

Alphen had a bad feeling about all of this so he instinctively threw out a compromise of sorts. His hand clasping around hers firmly again as he got her attention.

"It's okay. Whatever it is I Can wait until you can tell me. So lets put that aside for now, aright? I don't...want to see you so troubled over it. I don't want to force you."

The crackles from the thorns as he clasped her hand caused her to glance over at him. She could take that opportunity. He was giving her an out. For the time being.

Only if she didn't tell him now, ..she might not be able to later. Either because she kept delaying it to the last minute or..they'd be interrupted. "No, I ..have to tell you now. Or I never will." She didn't try to pull her hand away again this time though.

She faced him with a slow breath, studying his face for a long moment, resisting the urge to reach out with a free hand. Where did she even begin? HOw did she even say it? She'd.. give him the short version. She didn't think she could handle the longer version.

"Every night I have the same dream. An all consuming darkness that ends the world." She looked down at his hand, "..Like my thorns. ...that's why I need the cores from the other Lords. To create the Renas Alma...I can destroy that darkness and protect..." She paused. "...but as a result, ...I'll die. That's... that's why I said we won't..we can't.." be together. Travel together is what she wants to say, but..

There it was. The final piece of the puzzle. All of a sudden every action she had done since meeting him, made perfect sense. While there was absolutely a feeling of helplessness it was not to an overwhelming extent. Because this world was vast beyond measure. Filled with possibilities as well as dangers. Yet despair could not take hold of him.

"Shionne..." He spoke softly and gave her hand another reassuring squeeze. That initial moment of shock only lasted for a moment before a faint smile tugged his lips.

"I knew it. I knew I was right about you." He chuckled too shortly after before leaning in close.

"It's too early to just give up like that." A fire more blazing than the sword at his back burst in his heart, with a determination more unbreakable than before. Or maybe it was stubbornness. Or perhaps both.

"I refuse to believe we know everything there is to know about the Lords and the Cores and the Renas Alma." Both were concepts that most people would never even touch upon.

Shionne had thought she had resigned herself to that despair, but somehow.. the way Alphen looked at her, the way he spoke with such a fire made her wonder if there really was a way ... she'd been bearing that burden all by herself this entire time. Maybe she should have told them everything from the start. "Alphen..." Also...

He's quite close...

It might just be her imagination but he's coming closer still. Not even thinking about it either so he could hardly be accused of taking advantage of the moment even if he WOULD be the type to do so.

"I'm honestly just happy that it wasn't the fact that you DIDN'T want to go on a journey with us at the end of it all." It would have been such a bitter pill to swallow if that ended up being the actual truth. Instead he did still get a grim answer but not one he believed to be immutable.

.. it had to be her imagination, because he wouldn't intentionally get closer right? Although he did seem to be, maybe she was just misremembering? Even though she..almost seemed like she was leaning in his direction. But nah, why would she?

"That's not it at all," she shook her head, watching him almost entranced, "I do want to, but.. I just thought it wasn't possible.."

"I understand that now." He smiled softly, a gentler curl of his lips. The joy painted over the exposed parts of his face and a hope. Not a flickering ember of it either. Alphen had a new objective now and considering they had only dealt with two lords so far, he believed they still had time to figure things out.

"I think it's too early to give up like that. Especially since we have yet to actually try to find a way."

She paused, staring at him, the way warmth seemed to radiate out of him with just that smile and his one visible eye. She also found it difficult to deny that.. it was still early yet. Maybe they -would- find some other way..

It'd been a long, long time since she felt anything close to hope,..and she was admittedly a little scared to let herself hope for such a thing. But she let herself smile at him, "You.. you might be right." She agreed after a moment, her free hand half lifting.

He really didn't have much basis for his faith but his desire to see Shionne through to the other side of their journey without her dying was just that strong in his heart. Most people would find that stubborness to be peculiar to say the least. Though most would also realize his feelings on the matter were hardly as benign as Alphen might think.

"And I promise I'll be there every step of the way." He nodded and squeezed her hand a little tighter, those words coming out so naturally and effortlessly. Because they were completely true.

He said it so easily she could believe it. SHe felt like she could believe in him...and she hasn't believed in anyone in a long, long time. It even felt like that burden she carried for so long felt lighter.

Her smile warmed more genuine, and without thinking she lifted her free hand towards the unmasked part of his face.

That was far different from touching his hand and yet ALphen found himself rooted in place and not making any move to stop her approaching hand. Just as well that he couldn't feel any pain from said touch or else that might scar SHionne all over again and he would never forgive himself if that happened.

She didn't even know she was doing anything, just staring fondly at him. "You..really are amazing, Alphen." She murmured faintly, as her fingers brushed against his cheek. "You say everything with such conviction I feel like..I can believe in you."

While he didn't feel the pain that should have accompanied the crackling around her hand on his cheek, ALphen found his head tilting into it ever so slightly. This felt...oddly comforting. LIke this was how things were meant to be all along. Maybe for the both of them.

"I can only be amazing because you and everyone else open my world for that."

"No, I think it was always a part of you," she smiled, her thumb brushing gently against his cheek. If his confidence meant she wouldn't die then..could she even hope -- no no, she didn't want to get ahead of herself.

Speaking of getting ahead of herself, a crackling from her thorns suddenly caught her attention, and she realized that she'd been staring at his lips a little too long, almost leaning forward. She startled, then leaned away, bringing her hand with her - though not the one he was still holding. "Ah -s..sorry."

What a coincidence! He had been leaning closer as well without even realizing it. How odd. Alas the moment was gone but he still held her hand fast and would not let go unless something drastic had occurred.

"It's okay." He shook his head. The two of them were going to get such odd looks after today given how closer they had now gotten with one another.

Had they almost --- no no, Shionne shook her head at that thought. Utteryl ridiculous.

The younger members of the party were definitely going to wonder, and the elder might think they got up to some sort of shenanigans, that they were alone for so long together. Shionne glanced down at her hand, but she didn't pull away still. She wanted to continue holding his hand -- although it's been a while that he's been enduring the thorns. "..are you sure it doesn't bother you?"

Completely ludicrous even! That being said, A part of Alphen wished she had not realized what she was doing. Oh well. He could not be too greedy. He already had made such headway with her, the last thing he wanted to do was ruin it by pushing his luck.

"I'm positive." He nodded with a small smile that was so unfair and yet again not even on purpose now.

Total nonsense. Though part of her wondered...what would happen if she hadn't pulled away. He had definitely looked like he was leaning in to meet her so..

That smile was so utterly unfair, she blushed at the sight of it, giving him a small smile of her own. Putting aside the thought - she touched his hand, she touched his cheek, but she almost longed to feel him hold her--

WHOAH where did that thought come from?

"S-so, should...we tell the others when they come back...?"

He would have gladly indulged that desire as well. Alas she never spoke it out loud and now that moment was gone for a while at least.

A tiny part of him wished they didn't have to tell the others. But this matter was more important than his own minute selfish impulses.

"We probably should. Though on that matter I'll leave it to you to decide when you tell them." Since it was something so important after all, he had no doubt Shionne might need time to steel herself for that talk as well.

He might still get an opportunity when she wakes up from her nightmares~!

Shionne nodded slowly, sighing. "Then.. later. I need to ready myself," she hadn't missed that he still held her hand, and she hid a bit of a smile. Wait, would things really go back to normal now that she's told him this?

It ..somehow felt different. But not in a bad way. "Alphen... thank you." For hearing her out and making good on his word to not leave - not right away at least.

With him being by her side to the bitter end, there would be no shortage of opportunities. That being said he was quite happy with being the only one to know this much about Shionne for a while longer. Made her trust in him feel that much more precious.

"I'm happy I could be helpful. Even a little." He knew he lacked the worldly wisdom of most but what he lacked in knowledge he made up for with grit, determination and bloody stubborness.

"You've been more helpful than you realize," Shionne smiled, relaxing a little. She'd ask why he was still holding her hand, but.. she didn't want to draw his attention to it. "Still. Two more cores to go.."

"Yeah. And I doubt either of them are going to be as cooperative as Dohalim" Their recent party member was absolutely an exception among the lords so he would not take that for granted to keep happening in the future. As for the hand thing...it's not like it was necessary to let go.