midnightstar | Shionne and Alphen in Menancia

Fair enough. Though she would probably be annoyed with herself later. Shionne studied his face intently at that before giving him a small nod, "... that is likely." She looked at the rifle in her lap, and quietly desummoned it, sighing. "... it's honestly strange and...a little surprising. You've gone through your life not feeling pain.." She glanced at her hand, "And I've gone through life causing it. I can't even imagine what the odds of meeting someone like you would have been." One in a million?

She glanced at him, "Does it really not bother you..? Not knowing what it felt like to touch someone.." Although maybe he did - he just didn't feel pain after all.

"I honestly didn't even imagine someone like you would exist out there in the world. Especially not when my world was just Calaglia." Alphen shook his head with a smile that quickly slipped at her question.

It felt like he'd brag if he pointed out he could feel others just fine, it was the pain he never experienced. So instead he decided to take a different approach, his hand closing over hers and giving it a light squeeze despite the crackling that followed.

"I don't mind it since it allows me to touch you."

...she didn't expect him to reach out to her like that. Her hand flinches, but mostly out of surprise - though she doesn't pull it away, even when her blue eyes drop to look at his hand over hers.

How.. was she supposed to respond to that..? The fact that he was the only person who could touch her without feeling the pain - that he still reached out to her no matter how sharp she was to him. What was he doing?

"Alphen.." Why was he so ... why did she have to meet him when she knew at the end of their mission she couldn't even.. ah.. she couldn't even say she wished she hadn't met him. She glanced away, torn between telling him why he shouldn't get so close to her, and pulling away.

Her fingers twitch under his hand, and she started to pull it away- only to turn her hand slightly in order to hold his hand in turn - though she was stubbornly looking towards the wall. He could probably tell she was blushing pretty badly just from this- her blush was practically -glowing-, though there was a bit of a quiver in her voice. "..why are you always... like this.." Doesn't he know how hard it was for her to keep ..certain secrets?

Mostly because he just acted on his first impulse since words didn't work nearly as well on conveying the meaning and thoughts he held. The fact that this just led to the kind of torture she was weakest to, was an unfortunate byproduct. Hope was rarely a negative but that was just in normal circumstances.

"I can't say I have an answer to that. I just am." Alphen chuckled softly. If she had reacted more negatively to his sudden grab he would have let go. Instead she had turned her hand to hold his back.

She knew he couldn't feel the pain her thorns caused, but she still half tensed, waiting for a sound or flinch of pain. Hearing none, she glanced back towards him, then at her hand, slightly uneasy at the crackles of the thorns. The hand holding his gave it a slight squeeze, as a faint half-smile touched her lips, ".. you always say that." She huffed softly, though her thumb still gently brushed against his. It really wasn't fair to him that she kept so many things to herself when he kept trying to reach out to her.

But it also wasn't fair to him to reach back because there was no future for her. For them. But to make that clear to him she'd have to tell him the truth. She reached over with a hand to cover both of theirs, finding it even harder to speak than usual. "I'm sorry.." How many times has she said that by now..? It was still true though; she was sorry she's been lying to him, sorry she let him get close enough that he would be affected by her death. But it also gave her more resolve to protect the world so that he and their other companions would be able to live.

Again with the apology. He'd said it so many times she deed not apologize to him for anything. Alphen didn't say that again though since he knew that Shionne would not accept that. So he just nodded and gave her hand another soft squeeze.

She doubted he'd still say that if he knew what she was hiding. She was terrified, deep down, that he'd end up leaving with the others and she'd be alone again. And it was because of him and the others -- mostly him of course -- that was making her feel like she didn't -want- to sacrifice herself.

She wanted to tell him so badly, though the words kept getting caught in her throat. "I..." Not another apology this time. Her hand tightened on his - hesitating again. Unconsciously she looked towards the door, half expecting Law or someone to barge in and interrupt them again. No, he wouldn't would he - he was at the library with Rinwell, and Kisara was at the arena. Dohalim was probably meandering around so .. it really was just the two of them right now. "..."

Alphen did not rush Shionne. AS for the others his wishes for them was the very opposite of her hopes. After getting interrupted once he did not want a repeat of that. Not when it felt he was getting a little closer to his companion than before.

"...if... we ended up going our separate ways in the end.." She ventured slowly, her thumb unconsciously rubbing against his hand, little crackles of energy going off now and then. "..would you miss me..?"

That was a peculiar question. But an easy one for him nonetheless. Because it was already obvious to him. "Of course I would. I'd even try to get good enough to write letters to you all the time."

... she wished she'd be able to read those letters and write back. "... would you remember me, even if .. I never wrote back?" Because.. y'know.. Dead people don't write letters. She shouldn't be asking these questions - she both did and didn't want to know the answers to them. It left an ache in her heart that just wouldn't go away.

His brows furrowed as she kept going down a very dark line of reasoning.

"Of course I would. Shionne, if it wasn't for you, I'd still be a slave who thought the entire world was Calaglia and nothing else. Honestly even if I didn't like spending time with you, I'd never be able to repay you for bringing me out into the world."

And that hurt. Because here she had almost been thinking she would have been better off had she not met him. Sadder, yes. Lonelier, absolutely. But then she wouldn't have that agony and longing either. ".. you wouldn't.. say that if you knew." She half mumbled the words. She knew it wasn't easy to talk with her, but he still kept trying. She should at least. . .

"I would. Shionne no matter what I learn at this point, it won't change the past." To be completely frank it would take A LOT to make him change his thoughts and feelings about Shionne. Because he had seen many sides of her, some she probably never intended to let another person see and that just drew him in even more. Even when the topic was something that he had no knowledge about, just listening to her and watching was fulfilling in of itself.

She caught her breath slightly. How could he be so _sure_ of himself? He didn't even know anything. Everyone else would have left LONG before Alphen would. "How can you say that..? You don't know anything..." She started to let go of his hand, "I've been lying to you.. all of you..!"

Oh. Oops, didn't mean to say that quiet part loud...

His single exposed eye widened before confusion settled in.

"Lied? Lied about what?" It wasn't the hunt for the Lords. He could absolutely guarantee that one. Everything else had mostly played out exactly as she had said. So where was the lie. He could not see one no matter what.

She almost seemed just as surprised as he was, before she pressed her lips together, glancing away for a few minutes. Then a few minutes more, as if she didn't intend to answer. Though before long, she let out a long, defeated sigh, shoulders slumping. "...about me. About the end of our journey.."

"I...am not sure I follow." She had lied about the end of their journey? Why? She didn't have to lie about that so he had a hard time yet again with the simple matter of WHY.

"All those times I said we wouldn't travel together in the end...when I asked if you would remember me.." She curled her hand into a fist, "When we get the final core and can create the Renas Alma..." She was..trying very hard to keep her voice steady at this point, to not think about ..that, but the tears were still threatening to fall, held back just barely.

Alphen had a bad feeling about all of this so he instinctively threw out a compromise of sorts. His hand clasping around hers firmly again as he got her attention.

"It's okay. Whatever it is I Can wait until you can tell me. So lets put that aside for now, aright? I don't...want to see you so troubled over it. I don't want to force you."

The crackles from the thorns as he clasped her hand caused her to glance over at him. She could take that opportunity. He was giving her an out. For the time being.

Only if she didn't tell him now, ..she might not be able to later. Either because she kept delaying it to the last minute or..they'd be interrupted. "No, I ..have to tell you now. Or I never will." She didn't try to pull her hand away again this time though.

She faced him with a slow breath, studying his face for a long moment, resisting the urge to reach out with a free hand. Where did she even begin? HOw did she even say it? She'd.. give him the short version. She didn't think she could handle the longer version.

"Every night I have the same dream. An all consuming darkness that ends the world." She looked down at his hand, "..Like my thorns. ...that's why I need the cores from the other Lords. To create the Renas Alma...I can destroy that darkness and protect..." She paused. "...but as a result, ...I'll die. That's... that's why I said we won't..we can't.." be together. Travel together is what she wants to say, but..

There it was. The final piece of the puzzle. All of a sudden every action she had done since meeting him, made perfect sense. While there was absolutely a feeling of helplessness it was not to an overwhelming extent. Because this world was vast beyond measure. Filled with possibilities as well as dangers. Yet despair could not take hold of him.

"Shionne..." He spoke softly and gave her hand another reassuring squeeze. That initial moment of shock only lasted for a moment before a faint smile tugged his lips.

"I knew it. I knew I was right about you." He chuckled too shortly after before leaning in close.

"It's too early to just give up like that." A fire more blazing than the sword at his back burst in his heart, with a determination more unbreakable than before. Or maybe it was stubbornness. Or perhaps both.

"I refuse to believe we know everything there is to know about the Lords and the Cores and the Renas Alma." Both were concepts that most people would never even touch upon.

Shionne had thought she had resigned herself to that despair, but somehow.. the way Alphen looked at her, the way he spoke with such a fire made her wonder if there really was a way ... she'd been bearing that burden all by herself this entire time. Maybe she should have told them everything from the start. "Alphen..." Also...

He's quite close...

It might just be her imagination but he's coming closer still. Not even thinking about it either so he could hardly be accused of taking advantage of the moment even if he WOULD be the type to do so.

"I'm honestly just happy that it wasn't the fact that you DIDN'T want to go on a journey with us at the end of it all." It would have been such a bitter pill to swallow if that ended up being the actual truth. Instead he did still get a grim answer but not one he believed to be immutable.

.. it had to be her imagination, because he wouldn't intentionally get closer right? Although he did seem to be, maybe she was just misremembering? Even though she..almost seemed like she was leaning in his direction. But nah, why would she?

"That's not it at all," she shook her head, watching him almost entranced, "I do want to, but.. I just thought it wasn't possible.."

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