midnightstar | Shionne and Alphen in Menancia

Her choice of words really wasn't helping. Especially when he could SENSE she didn't actually mean them. Which only served to frustrate him even more.

"Why? I don't get the feeling you hate traveling with me or anything like that." They had been sharing more and more moments by the campfire these days, even to the point that Shionne would often join him on the first watch, sitting not too far away as they made idle chatter until one of them got too sleepy.

"I don't..!" Shionne gave a slightly frustrated stomp of her foot, "I've... enjoyed traveling with you." It was so hard not to just _TELL_ him. Heck, if she did maybe he'd finally stop trying to get close to her. She glanced at her hand, clenching it into a fist and relaxing it again. She would miss him when she left - it would be hard not to turn around and go back to him.

Alphen could tell that much. But hearing it spoken out loud also helped. Even so it didn't solve the problem that started this entire awkward affair.

"Then why?" He just couldn't understand. He was willing to go with her but she made it sound like that was not even an option without giving him an actual reason for it. Not that the truth would make him quit. If anything he'd insist they make the most of what time they had and not to give up.

God he was infuriatingly .. persistent. She bit her lower lip. Whatever -this- was between the two of them.. even Alphen would have his limits. Who would want to be with someone who couldn't even touch them? She took a step toward him, extending her arm to its full length as if she were about to touch his face - the tell tale crackles of her thorns triggering the moment they came near, and she snatched her hand back. "Because..! Because it would be pointless." They didn't even have a space ship, number one, but more importantly, why follow her to another planet when she was..when death was in her future?

Because he liked being around her, seeing new things together with Shionne. He just found himself just falling into that flow of things so naturally as if they didn't know each other for a mere few weeks.

"Traveling with someone you're comfortable with doesn't feel pointless if you ask me." Yes the fact that she didn't touch him didn't bother him. Especially when he remembered some of those instances when they did touch and how filled with wonder she was each time before snapping back.

With every counter he had for her arguments it was harder and harder for her to come up with excuses for not letting him go with her. And while she was able to touch him once or twice - she couldn't let herself get used to the idea. Even if he didn't want to get closer to her, she wouldn't ..mind being closer to Alphen herself. But not at the cost of the world. "Do you think I've never thought about that possibility..? Being able to just..travel and see the sights..?" With you, goes unsaid. "For me -" She caught herself -- "I just can't."

When did he ever hint that he didn't want to be closer to her? Alphen certainly didn't feel or think that way. As for the burden she was holding to herself, he couldn't help with that. None of them could even begin trying to think of ways to obtain both outcomes.

"You sound so certain of that." Honestly he was starting to get a little irritated since she kept dodging his question. He had asked WHY. ANd instead she had just said she can't.

Well she was trying not to think about being with him. It would only cause both of them pain. "And yet you're still asking..." Because she knew that her response was nowhere near satisfactory. Maybe she could just... well he'd stop asking if she told him, right? ... or would that just open up a whole other problem? "...you wouldn't understand."

For a moment he almost wants to reply with a snide biting remark and he opens his mouth almost letting it out before catching himself. "You don't know that for sure. But fine. I'll just have to prove myself before the end of our journey." If she didn't want to give him answers, then he'd take a different approach.

She came out here to try and clear the air and make things better, and now she's gone and made it worse instead. "... you don't have to do that. You don't have to prove anything at all." He's already done a lot to prove that he could be trusted. Why couldn't he see she wanted to protect him? Maybe it wasn't fair to keep something so important from him - even if she didn't trust the others, he's been with her longest.

Because he didn't have enough information to figure out she was trying to protect him. Not that he was going to let that stop him even when he did find out.

"I don't know about that. Hell I can't make any sense of what you're thinking right now either. So many things you say and things I see about you just don't fit together. It's been making me think a lot more than I have in the past."

Shionne shouldn't feel as happy as she did knowing he thought about her that much. She gave him a sad smile, "Some things aren't worth finding the answers to, you know." He'd regret it when he knew, because they couldn't prevent it. ~~as far as she knew.~~

"Some things maybe. But you're not just something. You're Shionne." Alphen's almost childish logic cut through her defenses yet again same way he had cut through so many walls with his flaming blade.

Shionne flinched, staring at him in obvious surprise, not sure how to respond to that. It just was a stark reminder of who he was. He wasn't just saying that, he actually meant it. At the same time...she wondered if he would still feel that way when he found out the truth. "Alphen..."

He would. Shionne dreadfully underestimated how strong those feelings of Alphen's were. So in the end he lets out a soft sigh and just unwinds before her eyes.

"That's not going to change so I guess I should say sorry ahead of time." Since she's not going to get her wish of him leaving or ignoring her. That was a lost cause from the very beginning.

She glanced down at her feet at that response, letting out a soft sigh of her own. It wasn't fair to him, she knew, and that unquestioning kindness from him resonated so very deeply with that part of her that was lonely, that longed for someone she could confide in and while she was at least able to talk to him... why did he have to make things so hard for her?

She wanted to tell him, that much was true. And though she tried to fight it, a small smile tugged at her lips for a few seconds, her expression softening slightly. "..No, I should say I'm sorry..." Sorry for lying, for keeping something so HUGE from him and the others - sorry for not trusting him enough with that secret.

He shakes his head and stands a little closer to Shionne but not touching her since he knows how big of a deal that is to her so he would never take it for granted. Though he definitely felt the urge to take her in his arms without warning.

"It's fine. As long as you're not being too weighed down by it, I can wait for a moment when you're comfortable with telling me whatever it is that's troubling you.":

It was an urge she wouldn't have minded at the least. Though she would have pushed him away mostly out of instinct and habit. Still the way he moved closer, she rubbed her arms slightly, pushing thoughts of moving closer herself, or worse, stepping into his arm - ah, dreams that would never come true. She'd never want to leave them.

"...what if that never happens?" She ventured hesitantly. He'd leave for sure then, right?

"I don't think that's going to happen." He's not even entertaining the possibility. After all if it had been up to her alone they wouldn't even be talk9ing like this right now. She'd still be the aloof and distant one whenever they broke camp.

Okay that was true, but she still looked uncertain. He really didn't have a single doubt in his mind, which was - to her - insanity. Why not prepare for the worst with this? Where did that confidence come from? But it did intrigue her - no, more than intrigue. She couldn't take her eyes off of him most of the time when they walked together - it was easiest when she was covering their rear because she could watch him as much as she wanted then.

Maybe it wouldn't be that bad to tell them? Or maybe she should keep them in the dark until the last minute. Knowing Alphen he'd try to stop her from leaving even though it was the only way. ... and if she were completely honest, she would want him to. "You.." she paused, "You are so strange.." are all Dahnan's like him? .. probably not.

"Heh! I don't think being strange is a bad thing. Besides I never really had the option to be normal" he taps the helmet still encasing his head partially.

"So I'd rather just look at it as me being myself."

He would see it that way. She couldn't help but laugh a little, shaking her head. "... I suppose that is a very 'Alphen' way of thinking." She teased lightly. ".. its getting late though. You should probably head back... the others are probably getting worried." Maybe they'll think Shionne got fed up and shot him.

"You're coming too. " He said crossing his arms over his chest after almost taking her hand but remembering how that might be more than she could handle right now.

... Shionne flexed her fingers slightly, before cupping them in front of her almost shyly at that insistence. "... alright." She had planned on doing a little stargazing and ..a LOT of thinking, but she could do that in her room at the Inn too. And ..it did feel a bit like some of the some of the awkwardness between them had been cleared up. She hoped.

For now. He would not stop looking out for her, watching over her wellbeing in and out of battle. Even if they didn't clear the awkward air he'd still do that. Because seeing Shionne safe had become something of a private mission to him.

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