midnightstar | Shionne and Alphen in Menancia

They've all come a long way since Calaglia, both in terms of distance and... other things. Things Shionne was forcing herself not to acknowledge. Because what would the point be to acknowledge those thoughts when she couldn't act on them - when at the end of this journey, she had no future? Ah... but that was something she hadn't - couldn't - tell the others, who she's begun thinking of as more than just 'tools'.

Particularly Alphen.

It was the hardest to think of him when she knew how much she was keeping from him. Much to her frustration, however, the group had decided to take a break for a little while since Shionne's pace had been pushing the others quite a lot - and they did just gain two new companions. Shionne was avoiding them as much as possible, deciding to go for a walk through the city almost...baffled by how accepting the Dahnans and Renans were.

It was ... nice. But it felt so alien to her, at the same time.

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Shionne looked at him in surprise, with him catching her off guard and bringing a blush to her cheeks at the praise. She should be used to this by now. "I.. I wouldn't say I had a knack for it.." She stammered, fingers tightening on the sniper rifle awkwardly. "I've just had a lot of experience with it by now. I've had to remember everything.." She glanced at her lap, unable to meet even PART of his partial gaze. "It's no different from you being able to remember what you need to do to maintain your own equipment."

"Well you managed to learn all that while having a bigger goal in mind as well." IN His case it was a hobby he mostly pursued in the very very rare moments he could even get close to armor or weapons as a slave.

"Besides I think you like talking about these things too."

It wasn't the topic as much as it was the company.. but Shionne deftly avoided that comment. ".. not to the degree that you do, but.. it isn't unpleasant..." She allowed herself to admit that much. Part of her was actually grateful for the conversation, because it kept her mind distracted from thinking about when she touched his cheek. Let alone about how hard it was going to be to resist doing that again when they were alone and he was asleep. Maybe - no, that was DEFINITEYL strange. "It's... easier to talk to you, than the others.." she confessed as an afterthought.

That was probably because they knew each other longer. And no other reason.

"Well I don't mind talking like this more often." Alphen smiled brightly. He almost reached for her hand but managed to contain himself from doing that much in case it might scare Shionne off again given how she really was just slowly coming closer.

"Doesn't have to only be about weapons and armor." Honestly he found himself thoroughly engaged with anything the two of them had to talk about. He couldn't tell her why but it was just the simple truth.

Shionne smiled at that, ".. I wouldn't mind that either." She paused, momentarily awkward. What else could she possibly talk to him about? Well she couldn't tell him she was thinking about asking Kisara to teach her to improve her cooking so she could make up for the first dish she and Alphen ate together. Speaking of...

She shifted to turn more towards him, inching a little closer, "Ah...actually... you mentioned once that one of the reasons you like spicy food so much is because you can feel it, right? That level of intensity.." She couldn't imagine it herself. Too bad everyone was resistent to the idea of spicy food or she'd suggest taste testing more peppers. She couldn't handle that level of spice that Alphen could ~~yet~~ though.

Ah SHE SAID IT! That was one excuse she had, completely negated. He had to fight to prevent the grin from spreading on his lips when she admitted that.

"Yeah at least that's what Doc told me is the reason. Or maybe I just really loved spicy food before I lost my memory."

IT JUST SLIPPED OUT.

She didn't even realize she admitted it so easily - but she wasn't going to be able to argue that point anymore. "That's possible.." she studied his face a moment, started to raise her hand towards his face - then stopped, dropping it to her lap again. "Since your mask broke, did that have any effect on your ability to not feel pain...?" She was going to bet that it had no difference, otherwise he would have woken up when she touched him. He didn't fake that, right?

Didn't matter. He was going to keep her to those words since that was the only way to get his foot in the door after all.

"Hmmm no I can't say it has. I guess it just has to come off completely and maybe get all my memories back, all things considering." Alphen let out a sigh. Though to be honest not feeling pain didn't feel like a bad thing. Easy to think that way when he had never felt pain over the years.

"It doesn't bother me as much though."

Fair enough. Though she would probably be annoyed with herself later. Shionne studied his face intently at that before giving him a small nod, "... that is likely." She looked at the rifle in her lap, and quietly desummoned it, sighing. "... it's honestly strange and...a little surprising. You've gone through your life not feeling pain.." She glanced at her hand, "And I've gone through life causing it. I can't even imagine what the odds of meeting someone like you would have been." One in a million?

She glanced at him, "Does it really not bother you..? Not knowing what it felt like to touch someone.." Although maybe he did - he just didn't feel pain after all.

"I honestly didn't even imagine someone like you would exist out there in the world. Especially not when my world was just Calaglia." Alphen shook his head with a smile that quickly slipped at her question.

It felt like he'd brag if he pointed out he could feel others just fine, it was the pain he never experienced. So instead he decided to take a different approach, his hand closing over hers and giving it a light squeeze despite the crackling that followed.

"I don't mind it since it allows me to touch you."

...she didn't expect him to reach out to her like that. Her hand flinches, but mostly out of surprise - though she doesn't pull it away, even when her blue eyes drop to look at his hand over hers.

How.. was she supposed to respond to that..? The fact that he was the only person who could touch her without feeling the pain - that he still reached out to her no matter how sharp she was to him. What was he doing?

"Alphen.." Why was he so ... why did she have to meet him when she knew at the end of their mission she couldn't even.. ah.. she couldn't even say she wished she hadn't met him. She glanced away, torn between telling him why he shouldn't get so close to her, and pulling away.

Her fingers twitch under his hand, and she started to pull it away- only to turn her hand slightly in order to hold his hand in turn - though she was stubbornly looking towards the wall. He could probably tell she was blushing pretty badly just from this- her blush was practically -glowing-, though there was a bit of a quiver in her voice. "..why are you always... like this.." Doesn't he know how hard it was for her to keep ..certain secrets?

Mostly because he just acted on his first impulse since words didn't work nearly as well on conveying the meaning and thoughts he held. The fact that this just led to the kind of torture she was weakest to, was an unfortunate byproduct. Hope was rarely a negative but that was just in normal circumstances.

"I can't say I have an answer to that. I just am." Alphen chuckled softly. If she had reacted more negatively to his sudden grab he would have let go. Instead she had turned her hand to hold his back.

She knew he couldn't feel the pain her thorns caused, but she still half tensed, waiting for a sound or flinch of pain. Hearing none, she glanced back towards him, then at her hand, slightly uneasy at the crackles of the thorns. The hand holding his gave it a slight squeeze, as a faint half-smile touched her lips, ".. you always say that." She huffed softly, though her thumb still gently brushed against his. It really wasn't fair to him that she kept so many things to herself when he kept trying to reach out to her.

But it also wasn't fair to him to reach back because there was no future for her. For them. But to make that clear to him she'd have to tell him the truth. She reached over with a hand to cover both of theirs, finding it even harder to speak than usual. "I'm sorry.." How many times has she said that by now..? It was still true though; she was sorry she's been lying to him, sorry she let him get close enough that he would be affected by her death. But it also gave her more resolve to protect the world so that he and their other companions would be able to live.

Again with the apology. He'd said it so many times she deed not apologize to him for anything. Alphen didn't say that again though since he knew that Shionne would not accept that. So he just nodded and gave her hand another soft squeeze.

She doubted he'd still say that if he knew what she was hiding. She was terrified, deep down, that he'd end up leaving with the others and she'd be alone again. And it was because of him and the others -- mostly him of course -- that was making her feel like she didn't -want- to sacrifice herself.

She wanted to tell him so badly, though the words kept getting caught in her throat. "I..." Not another apology this time. Her hand tightened on his - hesitating again. Unconsciously she looked towards the door, half expecting Law or someone to barge in and interrupt them again. No, he wouldn't would he - he was at the library with Rinwell, and Kisara was at the arena. Dohalim was probably meandering around so .. it really was just the two of them right now. "..."

Alphen did not rush Shionne. AS for the others his wishes for them was the very opposite of her hopes. After getting interrupted once he did not want a repeat of that. Not when it felt he was getting a little closer to his companion than before.

"...if... we ended up going our separate ways in the end.." She ventured slowly, her thumb unconsciously rubbing against his hand, little crackles of energy going off now and then. "..would you miss me..?"

That was a peculiar question. But an easy one for him nonetheless. Because it was already obvious to him. "Of course I would. I'd even try to get good enough to write letters to you all the time."

... she wished she'd be able to read those letters and write back. "... would you remember me, even if .. I never wrote back?" Because.. y'know.. Dead people don't write letters. She shouldn't be asking these questions - she both did and didn't want to know the answers to them. It left an ache in her heart that just wouldn't go away.

His brows furrowed as she kept going down a very dark line of reasoning.

"Of course I would. Shionne, if it wasn't for you, I'd still be a slave who thought the entire world was Calaglia and nothing else. Honestly even if I didn't like spending time with you, I'd never be able to repay you for bringing me out into the world."

And that hurt. Because here she had almost been thinking she would have been better off had she not met him. Sadder, yes. Lonelier, absolutely. But then she wouldn't have that agony and longing either. ".. you wouldn't.. say that if you knew." She half mumbled the words. She knew it wasn't easy to talk with her, but he still kept trying. She should at least. . .

"I would. Shionne no matter what I learn at this point, it won't change the past." To be completely frank it would take A LOT to make him change his thoughts and feelings about Shionne. Because he had seen many sides of her, some she probably never intended to let another person see and that just drew him in even more. Even when the topic was something that he had no knowledge about, just listening to her and watching was fulfilling in of itself.

She caught her breath slightly. How could he be so _sure_ of himself? He didn't even know anything. Everyone else would have left LONG before Alphen would. "How can you say that..? You don't know anything..." She started to let go of his hand, "I've been lying to you.. all of you..!"

Oh. Oops, didn't mean to say that quiet part loud...

His single exposed eye widened before confusion settled in.

"Lied? Lied about what?" It wasn't the hunt for the Lords. He could absolutely guarantee that one. Everything else had mostly played out exactly as she had said. So where was the lie. He could not see one no matter what.

She almost seemed just as surprised as he was, before she pressed her lips together, glancing away for a few minutes. Then a few minutes more, as if she didn't intend to answer. Though before long, she let out a long, defeated sigh, shoulders slumping. "...about me. About the end of our journey.."