midnightstar | Shionne and Alphen in Menancia

They've all come a long way since Calaglia, both in terms of distance and... other things. Things Shionne was forcing herself not to acknowledge. Because what would the point be to acknowledge those thoughts when she couldn't act on them - when at the end of this journey, she had no future? Ah... but that was something she hadn't - couldn't - tell the others, who she's begun thinking of as more than just 'tools'.

Particularly Alphen.

It was the hardest to think of him when she knew how much she was keeping from him. Much to her frustration, however, the group had decided to take a break for a little while since Shionne's pace had been pushing the others quite a lot - and they did just gain two new companions. Shionne was avoiding them as much as possible, deciding to go for a walk through the city almost...baffled by how accepting the Dahnans and Renans were.

It was ... nice. But it felt so alien to her, at the same time.

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He straightened up like a soldier that got called out by his commanding officer when he heard Shionne call his name like that.

"Y-Yes?!" that had actually startled him but luckily he had not dropped his own food as he looked back at Shionne curiously.

"Come with me." She pivoted without waiting - again - for him to even say anything, just assuming he would follow. But she walked out of the Inn nevertheless, into the night air with her arms folded. She'd only gotten a few feet away from the Inn before she tilted her head slightly to see if he was in fact following, before quickly turning away again.

Sure enough he was right on her heels looking lost, surprised and more than a little confused why he'd been called out by Shionne in the middle of mealtime. Still not like he'd ignore her request yet alone the kind of demand she had issued.

.. not letting him finish his food was another reason for her to have to apologize to him apparently. And knowing how she felt about food, that was a huge sin. ".. Look...we still have to work together for a while longer.. but we can't do that as long as things are... strained like this." He really did rub off on her, usually he was the one to insist on them working together.

She paced with a touch of anxiety in her steps, arms folded, "What do you want me to say?" 'I'm sorry' wasn't enough - not for her.

They were going to go in circles at this rate. Especially since it wasn't like the food would go anywhere before they went back to join the others.

While he was often blunt without intending it, having such a question thrust in his face left Alphen at a loss for words.

"I don't really know. It's not like I want to force you to do anything you don't want to." But he did want to go with her. That much was obvious. now if he could only just say that out loud.

Shionne shook her head. "I don't understand why you want to go anywhere with me outside of our mission." No, she did, but she was refusing to acknowledge that.

"Even if I said I..." She paused, "..It's impossible, do you understand?"

Her choice of words really wasn't helping. Especially when he could SENSE she didn't actually mean them. Which only served to frustrate him even more.

"Why? I don't get the feeling you hate traveling with me or anything like that." They had been sharing more and more moments by the campfire these days, even to the point that Shionne would often join him on the first watch, sitting not too far away as they made idle chatter until one of them got too sleepy.

"I don't..!" Shionne gave a slightly frustrated stomp of her foot, "I've... enjoyed traveling with you." It was so hard not to just _TELL_ him. Heck, if she did maybe he'd finally stop trying to get close to her. She glanced at her hand, clenching it into a fist and relaxing it again. She would miss him when she left - it would be hard not to turn around and go back to him.

Alphen could tell that much. But hearing it spoken out loud also helped. Even so it didn't solve the problem that started this entire awkward affair.

"Then why?" He just couldn't understand. He was willing to go with her but she made it sound like that was not even an option without giving him an actual reason for it. Not that the truth would make him quit. If anything he'd insist they make the most of what time they had and not to give up.

God he was infuriatingly .. persistent. She bit her lower lip. Whatever -this- was between the two of them.. even Alphen would have his limits. Who would want to be with someone who couldn't even touch them? She took a step toward him, extending her arm to its full length as if she were about to touch his face - the tell tale crackles of her thorns triggering the moment they came near, and she snatched her hand back. "Because..! Because it would be pointless." They didn't even have a space ship, number one, but more importantly, why follow her to another planet when she was..when death was in her future?

Because he liked being around her, seeing new things together with Shionne. He just found himself just falling into that flow of things so naturally as if they didn't know each other for a mere few weeks.

"Traveling with someone you're comfortable with doesn't feel pointless if you ask me." Yes the fact that she didn't touch him didn't bother him. Especially when he remembered some of those instances when they did touch and how filled with wonder she was each time before snapping back.

With every counter he had for her arguments it was harder and harder for her to come up with excuses for not letting him go with her. And while she was able to touch him once or twice - she couldn't let herself get used to the idea. Even if he didn't want to get closer to her, she wouldn't ..mind being closer to Alphen herself. But not at the cost of the world. "Do you think I've never thought about that possibility..? Being able to just..travel and see the sights..?" With you, goes unsaid. "For me -" She caught herself -- "I just can't."

When did he ever hint that he didn't want to be closer to her? Alphen certainly didn't feel or think that way. As for the burden she was holding to herself, he couldn't help with that. None of them could even begin trying to think of ways to obtain both outcomes.

"You sound so certain of that." Honestly he was starting to get a little irritated since she kept dodging his question. He had asked WHY. ANd instead she had just said she can't.

Well she was trying not to think about being with him. It would only cause both of them pain. "And yet you're still asking..." Because she knew that her response was nowhere near satisfactory. Maybe she could just... well he'd stop asking if she told him, right? ... or would that just open up a whole other problem? "...you wouldn't understand."

For a moment he almost wants to reply with a snide biting remark and he opens his mouth almost letting it out before catching himself. "You don't know that for sure. But fine. I'll just have to prove myself before the end of our journey." If she didn't want to give him answers, then he'd take a different approach.

She came out here to try and clear the air and make things better, and now she's gone and made it worse instead. "... you don't have to do that. You don't have to prove anything at all." He's already done a lot to prove that he could be trusted. Why couldn't he see she wanted to protect him? Maybe it wasn't fair to keep something so important from him - even if she didn't trust the others, he's been with her longest.

Because he didn't have enough information to figure out she was trying to protect him. Not that he was going to let that stop him even when he did find out.

"I don't know about that. Hell I can't make any sense of what you're thinking right now either. So many things you say and things I see about you just don't fit together. It's been making me think a lot more than I have in the past."

Shionne shouldn't feel as happy as she did knowing he thought about her that much. She gave him a sad smile, "Some things aren't worth finding the answers to, you know." He'd regret it when he knew, because they couldn't prevent it. ~~as far as she knew.~~

"Some things maybe. But you're not just something. You're Shionne." Alphen's almost childish logic cut through her defenses yet again same way he had cut through so many walls with his flaming blade.

Shionne flinched, staring at him in obvious surprise, not sure how to respond to that. It just was a stark reminder of who he was. He wasn't just saying that, he actually meant it. At the same time...she wondered if he would still feel that way when he found out the truth. "Alphen..."

He would. Shionne dreadfully underestimated how strong those feelings of Alphen's were. So in the end he lets out a soft sigh and just unwinds before her eyes.

"That's not going to change so I guess I should say sorry ahead of time." Since she's not going to get her wish of him leaving or ignoring her. That was a lost cause from the very beginning.

She glanced down at her feet at that response, letting out a soft sigh of her own. It wasn't fair to him, she knew, and that unquestioning kindness from him resonated so very deeply with that part of her that was lonely, that longed for someone she could confide in and while she was at least able to talk to him... why did he have to make things so hard for her?

She wanted to tell him, that much was true. And though she tried to fight it, a small smile tugged at her lips for a few seconds, her expression softening slightly. "..No, I should say I'm sorry..." Sorry for lying, for keeping something so HUGE from him and the others - sorry for not trusting him enough with that secret.

He shakes his head and stands a little closer to Shionne but not touching her since he knows how big of a deal that is to her so he would never take it for granted. Though he definitely felt the urge to take her in his arms without warning.

"It's fine. As long as you're not being too weighed down by it, I can wait for a moment when you're comfortable with telling me whatever it is that's troubling you.":

It was an urge she wouldn't have minded at the least. Though she would have pushed him away mostly out of instinct and habit. Still the way he moved closer, she rubbed her arms slightly, pushing thoughts of moving closer herself, or worse, stepping into his arm - ah, dreams that would never come true. She'd never want to leave them.

"...what if that never happens?" She ventured hesitantly. He'd leave for sure then, right?

"I don't think that's going to happen." He's not even entertaining the possibility. After all if it had been up to her alone they wouldn't even be talk9ing like this right now. She'd still be the aloof and distant one whenever they broke camp.